Twenty years ago, Britain’s favourite publican embarked on his one-man mission as the King Cnut of Common Sense, holding back a tide of bottled beer and ninny state nonsense. He talks to Rosy Moorhead ahead of his new show, One Man, One Guvnor, about his election campaign and how he needs your help to create his manifesto.

Are you coming to Watford to do a show or is this just shameless electioneering?

These shows were booked in long before I heard destiny’s call. Yes the people of South Thanet are the people who I want to persuade of the Common Sense Cause, but maybe folks in Hayes/Watford will be inspired to move to South Thanet and vote for me, who knows?

Have you ever been here before?

Many times. Watford has been fertile ground for my Common Sense message in recent years.

What things are you going to be regaling us with in One Man, One Guvnor? Are you still expounding your common sense approach?

I’ll be explaining to people how they can be set free, I’ll demonstrate how global finance works in under half a pint and I’ll create my all new manifesto with their help.

Any advice or suggestions – or dare I say criticisms – of our town?

As I will be talking to the front couple of rows at both shows it’ll be up close and personal as they say.

Moving on to your election campaign, why did you decide to run for South Thanet?

I heard destiny’s trumpet call and it sounded like it was saying “Thanet – Thanet” so once I’d figured out where it was I set my sights on winning it. I want to stand for the South bit because it’s nearer France and they need my help. Imagine my surprise when I found out Nigel Farage was running there too.

Tell me about your Free United Kingdom Party – who are you and how far right are you?

We are Common Sense through and through. And for that reason we don’t recognise conventional labels of left and right: our job is to tell the voters what we reckon they want to hear. And to be honest about making promises we know we can’t keep.

What will be your top priority if you win? Immigration, education, Europe, tax, something even more pressing?

1p a pint/glass of white win fruit based drink for the lady.

Would you adopt a vaguer, more evasive way of speaking to fit in with your Westminster colleagues?

I’m glad you asked me that question... What I’ll do however is answer a different question, a question I want to answer, but do it so it makes it look like I am listening. A quarter past three.

Have you already checked if there’s a decent pub in Westminster?

There is: it’s called the Palace of Westminster. Only pub the UK you can smoke in.

Which MPs are likely candidates for a lock-in?

Well, I’d like to buy Nick Clegg a drink when the dust has all settled and ask him if he reckons it was all worth it.

Any political scandals you’re hoping to instigate? Expenses, cash for votes, racist comments about a constituent, a good old-fashioned sex scandal?

I will be looking very closely into cash for votes, yes.

Are you planning to stop over in Watford? We’ve got some very nice pubs.

I’ll see where the mood takes me!