Saturday: Breaking news on my favourite road sign, the one which says how many people have been caught speeding on the M1. After weeks of catching 124 people a week, the cameras caught 528 speeding motorists this week in an astonishingly successful operation. Soon after, though, they took down all the cameras and took away the sign. Somebody obviously got too big for their boots, should have stuck to 124. Sunny spells.

Sunday: I had a romantic afternoon in this weekend, cooked a tremendous dish involving spaghetti, white wine sauces and mussels. Only problem was, I’ve never cooked mussels before and didn’t really know what I was doing. Which is fine when it is just me, but when there is someone watching and you’ve managed to spill olive oil down you while setting fire to the oven gloves, it doesn’t give the impression you were looking for. Dry.

Monday: What annoyed me the most this week – and this might become a regular feature because I can get quite angry. Motorcyclists have felt my wrath before, but this idiot was one of the worst – driving the wrong way down a main road in London, weaving in and out of the cars with no regard for anyone else. He was only slightly less stupid than the guy I saw reversing the right way down a duel carriageway. Cloudy.