Saturday: So I arrived in Memphis, and naturally the first thing to do was watch five ducks emerge from an elevator, walk through the lobby of a hotel, and get into the indoor fountain. It’s perfectly natural I’m sure. What makes it a bit odd is the presence of a duckmaster (surely a job title you keep from your friends) and dozens of people watching and cheering. An odd start to a holiday. Sunny spells.

Sunday: I’m here on holiday with my parents and it’s always a bit different vacationing with these two. For a start, we have a whole bunch of conversations in the morning, then repeat them in the afternoon, with seemingly no recollection of what was said in the morning. Then there is the obsession with the weather channel. We check it morning noon and night, at every opportunity. I don’t know why, it’s always hot. Sunny spells.

Next week: It is now 3.37am and I just got woken up by an incoming text message. Usually a text message at this time of night is an attempt at wild hilarity from someone having a good time who wants to share their joy with the world. Unfortunately, this one was from the office: “We don’t care what time it is over there, the sub-editors are snarling – get that weather column written now!” I think I might be in trouble. Sunny spells.