Saturday: Got locked out this weekend, which wasn’t fun. I had to find somewhere else to sleep that night. Next day I called the rental agency and a moronic woman called Patricia told me she had literally no idea what to do as she had never heard of this happening before. Safe to say I gave her a piece of my mind and she eventually got it sorted. Not before she had shown herself to be completely useless. Rain.

Sunday: Ever heard of the Loppies? Me neither. They are a group of obsessed people who are fixated with singer Lee Mead. The curly-haired reality TV dandy has been appearing in the West End as Joseph and the Loppies wait around in the cold hoping for a glimpse of him. They even have an AGM where they all meet to chat about him. I saw them in action this weekend. It’s very odd. Dry.

Next week: I’m no chef, but I’d like to share a personal triumph with you all. At the end of last week, I cooked beef Wellington for my housemates. Having looked it up in a book and checked to make sure it was a real food dish, I went about shopping for the ingredients. The staff at Morrisons looked at me a bit oddly when I asked for mushroom paté, but I got there in the end. The dish was a success, next stop, vegetable moussaka. Showers.