Hi All

I’m pretty sure that none of you suffer from Metrophobia, or the fear of poetry, judging from all the entries I’ve received this month.  Again it was a close call but I’m delighted that JD Milaric and first-time entrant Melanie Newland won the competitions in the Harrow and the Barnet Borough Times.

This coming month the subject will be The Real Thing and here’s my own poem about it:

ARTIFICIAL? NATURALLY!!

by Judy Karbritz

I’ll only have a coffee please

Yes decaff, right away

I’ve had blonde highlights in my hair

To hide all of the grey

 

Please, can you stir my drink for me

I can’t pick up the spoon

My new false nails are far too long

I think they need a prune

 

Last week my eyes were vivid green

My lenses now are blue

That man is staring at my boobs

Impressed because they’re new

 

My face and neck are tight and firm

The wrinkles smoothed away

Since surgery my tummy’s flat

The bruising’s less each day

 

My nose is now a painter’s dream

I pout thick collagen lips

They’ve suctioned out my cellulite

And inches from my hips

 

My boyfriend took me out last night

He bought a diamond ring

But only Cubic Zirconia

It wasn’t the real thing!

And here are last month’s winning poems:

WINNING POEM IN HARROW TIMES:

     FED UP by J D Milaric

Since puberty, when it all started, I’ve coped well on the whole

With this burden

But I’m fed up with being seen by women as a mere sex symbol

It’s time for action

 

Yes, it sounds great being tall, handsome, with a lithe figure

Which I was endowed with

But I’m going more than 50 shades of white, and for sure

“Something’s gotta give”

 

So from now on, I will not have my hair so well coiffed, wear tight-fitting clothes

Or have a permanently, tanned body

These measures should help ensure that I’ll be less attractive, at least to those

Women who look at me, lasciviously

 

I’m fed up with being such a wanted man, and suffering in silence

Now, it’s in the public domain

So if your juices still flow, whenever you find yourself in my presence

I’ll no longer be to blame

 

Of course, I may soon become fed up with the lack of female attention

And regret publishing this poem

But for now, I’ll enjoy being with anyone, at any time, and any location

Without having a female problem

 

WINNING POEM IN BARNET BOROUGH TIMES:

FED UP by Melanie Newland

This is my commuting life

Waiting for trains that don't arrive

Delays, cancellations and standing room only

It would be faster to travel by pony.

Today, a miracle, I find a seat

Sat on a tube, someone stands on my feet

Putting on makeup, reach for a comb

Clearly you don't have a bathroom at home.

People on mobiles, I don't really care

About who is in Love Island, no need to share

Music from headphones, don't want to hear

It may be by Elbow but it's in my ear

.

I finally arrive at my destination

If only I could get out at the station

Crowded and busy, people stand by the doors

Tripping over the bags that litter the floor.

Fed up with commuting?  I hear you say

Don't worry, they're only on strike for the day

I'll just take a tablet to cope with my pain

And tomorrow I'll start my commuting again.

Congratulations too to our runners up, and here is a small selection of the poems received:

Emma Brooks

FED UP

 

Why do I feel so fed up?
I sit and think whilst staring at my coffee cup.
Maybe I should have two more croissants today,
At least they should help keep my tears at bay.
Surely I’m not being fed up for Christmas,
Do I even look like Santa?
Oh come on, that’s ridiculous.
Maybe they need something to replace the Turkey,
They shouldn’t have me, I’ll be more like Jerky.
Then I realise it could be my steroids,
They fill me out like a big pink hemorrhoid.
Making me eat when I can’t eat no more,
Oh look some doughnuts, I’ll take four.
Being so full makes me so fed up.
So I’ll sit behind my new coffee cup.
Covering my shame I hide away,
Until the new place is open, my local buffet.

 

SAVE APPEARANCES

by Marie-Géraldine Lauzier

Dress up

Hide the lack of sleep

Messy house

Endless to do lists

Dusty shelves

And halfway dreams

 

ALL OUR TOMORROWS by Lisa Cohen

ARE YOU FED UP.? US GOLDEN OLDIES WILL NEVER GIVE IN

WHILE YOU CAN BREATHE, HAVE A PULSE.  YOU'LL WIN

FOR ME. STILL BEING AROUND IS QUITE A WONDER

DON'T LET THE PUNDITS STEAL OUR THUNDER

WITH AGE. I'VE BECOME GOBBY. I WILL HAVE MY SAY

ABOUT OUR OLDIES QUIETLY DRIFTING AWAY

WE DESERVE RESPECT. WORKED HARD. PAID OUR DUES.

DON'T LEAVE US IN PLACES RIFE WITH ABUSE

YOUNGSTERS CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY A HOME

FOREVER DAMNED TO RENT AND ROAM

OUR NATIONAL HEALTH STRETCHED TO THE CORE

COUNCILS HANDING OUT BENEFITS BY THE SCORE

HOUSES SOLD TO PAY FOR HOMES WITHOUT CARE

LIVING LONGER. MEANS LOTS OF WEAR AND TEAR

SMALL STEPS TO FREEDOM. USE TIME WELL

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. KICK MISERIES  TO HELL

Finding A Positive Solution To Being Fed Up

by Patricia J Tausz

Here I just sit and mope

It's as if I cannot cope

The thought of dieting has gone to pot

As I find myself in a tight spot.

I am fed up, bored to tears

There seems to be nothing that cheers

Me - I just hate it when I'm in the doldrums

How I long to give the thumbs

Up - but at present that's out of the question

All these negative thoughts are giving me indigestion.

I know these periods of boredom come in bouts

Then something in my body screams and shouts

It's trying to rouse me from my sick bed

And look forward to the new day ahead.

Having written these lines there's no need for me to mope any more

With my depression now I've wiped the floor

Everywhere is now clean and bright

And I feel fine again; with my world all is right!

FED UP by Jeff Edmunds

 

Kids are bored, posh people are indolent

But I’m fed up

I’m fed up with being fed up!

My ire is spreading like thick marmite

Love it or hate it, there’s a bite to my ennui

Nothing captivates or pleases me

I want to be somewhere else doing something

else, but the crux of my need escapes me

Yes, there are boring jobs to do, things to

clean, put away. Things to glue

But my wandering imagination says ‘no,’ sets

itself on higher things, but it’s all roundabouts

and swings

There’s always a caveat, a reason not to

decide on this or that

Now the phone rings, but it’s a dodgy caller, I

waste no time dismissing

I know - I‘ll go shopping, to see what’s not

worth buying…

FED UP by Howard Lambe  

When the sky is grey and it's raining outside

And all you want to do is go away and hide

Life seems pointless you feel out of luck

That's a sure sign that you are "Fed Up"

The dog is moaning and the cats' been sick

You're left to clear up the mess it's all a bit rich

The children are fighting over the remote

It makes you want to grab your coat

But you know you can't you have to cope

In your mind it seems there is no hope

Work is a pain and you've been late twice this week

The looks from your colleagues sufficient to make you weep

The boss is unsympathetic he has a schedule to keep

That doesn't help it only increases the heat

But at last the weekend is here and the kids are behaving

The weather turns fine so lets go sailing

We can take the family to a nearby lake

Hire a boat, have a picnic at last to escape

Then after everyone has eaten more than enough

We can relax feel full and be truly " Fed UP"

I AM FED UP by: RUHEENA SHAH

I AM FED UP OF BUYING MILK IN THE SUPER MARKET

COME RAIN OR SHINE THE MILK MAN USED TO BRING

IT WAS THERE EVERY DAY FRESH WITH THE BREAD

USED TO BE DELIVERED RIGHT ON THE DOOR STEP

I AM FED UP WITH THIS NEW FURNITURE TRENDS

THEY COME FLAT PACK IN HUGE CARDBOARD BOX 

WITH INSTRUCTIONS PAPER AND LOTS OF SCREWS

TRYING TO FIX MANY TIMES, AND TRY TO MEND

I AM FED UP TO GO TO THE DOCTOR AS WELL

MAKING AN APPOINTMENT IS A TASK ON ITS OWN 

BY THE TIME YOU GET ONE IN ABOUT TWO WEEKS 

YOUR ILLNESS IS GONE, YOU ARE WELL BY THEN

I AM FED UP OF THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY

THE INTERNET, FACE BOOK AND WHATS APP

THEY ARE TAKING OVER HUMAN AFFECTION

EVERY ONE IS ADDICTED TO THIS NUISANCE

I AM FED UP WITH THIS NEW GENERATION

THEY WILL NOT CONSULT YOU ABOUT ANYTHING

THEY THINK THEY ARE MUCH CLEVER THAN US

WHEN THINGS GO WRONG THEY ASK US TO MEND

FED UP by Kusum Hars

She was in seventh heaven being bestowed with the greatest gift             

Her joy knew no bounds, after years  she was finally adrift

A mum to a little bundle of joy, her little princess, her jewelled crown     

But then by a cruel twist of fate her world came crumbling down.

Dark clouds on the horizon beckoned, dark and dreary days of many       

Her joy gone, instead grief and bitterness now, a gift from destiny.

She sat very still, tea cup in her hand, staring at the wall, unseen             

Her whole life played before her eyes as on a screen.

The joyful days spent together, the laughter enjoyed as man and wife         

All washed away with these words  "I am fed up of this life "

With that he walked out of the door and out of her world this fall                         

Seemed an invisible force was driving him to change and leave all.

She was confused dazed and in shock. Had she gone wrong?

Fed up of what?  perhaps arguments or maybe her all along

She wished to put the clock back and make amends you see

Hoping he would be back but alas that was not to be.   

With a deep sigh she brought herself back to the present

Put the cup down and with a steely determination  went

To hold her baby, for whom she was now mum and dad

Who alas failed to hold him leaving her miserable and sad.

Hope you enjoyed them and I look forward to receiving your poems of no more than 20 lines on The Real Thing by no later than 23rd August.

Have a good month

Judy